Monday, February 7, 2011

Tears in my eyes...

I hesitated to make a blog entry tonight. This has been an emotional evening. For those of you who haven't heard, Julia had a feeding tube placed around noon today. She has been stoic all day and that brings back memories from the early days of our cancer journey. It was a slap in the face reminder of Julia's high pain tolerance. She held herself together quite well for most of the day, but the past couple of hours have been more emotional. She's doing all that she can to be still and not move her tummy area. I think I finally got her relaxed and resting comfortably for a while. It could very well be a long night ahead.

I'm probably rambling, but this definitely helps to get things out of my mind. It's like I tell my students...and Julia quite often lately...that we have to do whatever we can to get our emotions out. It sometimes hurts to cry or to talk about what's on your mind, but we just gotta do it. Maybe journaling and listening to relaxing music on the iPod with Julia is what's going to help tonight. It's rather deceiving to be listening to music that one would hear at the spa, then look up and see your child hooked up to tubes and wires and whatnot. I think a real day at the spa sounds pretty awesome right now!

Please do not feel bad for us right now... Just lift us up in prayer and love, like you've been doing all along. I think I just need a little extra boost this evening. I look forward to the peace that I know that you all will bring as I go to bed tonight.